Love yourself-a work in progress

I am fascinated by the way our brain makes connections. The way one event can trigger so many thoughts that are seemingly unrelated. What fascinates me even more is when you connect the dots and understand it all....at least on some level.

I am fascinated by how the way we were loved, or not loved, teaches us how to love and receive love. It can make us feel worthy or deeply unworthy, but what matters is what we do with those feelings. 

I think most of us carry our burdens and transfer our insecurities into every relationship we experience. If we were abandoned as a child, we think everyone will leave us. If we were picked at, we feel unworthy...but what's really awesome is that these perceptions of ourselves aren't really ours. They're our parents, or whoever raised you. You were worthy all along. Becoming your most true self is all about removing other people's perceptions and expectations for you and discovering what truly brings you joy. What do YOU want? What do YOU like? What feels right for YOU?

I lived the first close to 40 years of my life being and doing what was expected of me. Even the most basic thing, like not getting tattoos because my parents, specifically my Mom, thought so poorly of them. I never wanted to disappoint. I always wanted approval and wanted to be a bright spot in my Mom's life. I was always acutely aware that my brother was on a pedestal and I wanted to be there too. 

What I see now is that my Mom was often unhappy. Unhappy with her life, her mistakes, her relationships...and because of how she was raised, she transferred her baggage onto me. Not on purpose. Not with any malice at all...She loved me. That is not in question, but she picked at me my entire life and because of that, I have zero self-esteem. I feel forever inadequate in all ways.

Telling me I have "athletic legs" and am built more for shorts, not dresses, effected how I see my legs. Asking to help with my blemishes, offer to comb my unruly eyebrows, iron my wrinkled clothes, that I was more sporty looking than girly, that my hair was better short, etc all played a part in how I see myself. I appreciate fully that each individual comment doesn't amount to much, but when it's everyday, your whole upbringing, it becomes your inner monologue.

I will never forget the day an older woman suggested I try on a short, beautiful navy dress. Without a thought in my head, I replied, "I don't look good in short dresses. My legs are too athletic looking." She looked at me so confused and said, "Who told you that??" She had me try on the dress and stand in front of multiple mirrors. Turns out I have great legs that in fact rock the heck out of a short dress! 35/36 years it took to see that for myself.

We feed ourselves lies daily and if we really break it down, chances are those lies came from parents, spouses, people that we love and trust with our heart and soul. The next time you engage in negative self-talk, stop and ask yourself where that perception comes from. I'm guessing you will quickly see that it doesn't come from you at all.

You are worthy. You are worthy now and you were worthy then. You are not other people's thoughts and opinions. No one's opinion of you should become your opinion of you. What matters is how you think and feel about you. Loving yourself is crucial. I believe that when you truly have love for yourself, other people's invalid perspectives no longer even matter, because you know the truth.

We are all a work in progress. We are life-long-learners and growers. It is never, ever, too late to work on loving yourself and removing lies you tell yourself. Love yourself without condition. Accept yourself, exactly how you are in this moment. Sure, there may be room for growth, but how you are now is worthy of your love and the pure love of others.

If you don't know where to start, that's totally ok...but I'll tell you where I'm starting. Significantly less social media. That shit is toxic! Less phone time, more focused time and giving whoever I'm with or whatever I am doing my full attention. More learning new things, making new things and clearing and cleansing spaces. More time in nature, in the woods, on the beach. Reconnecting with the food I put in my body. More of an effort to try new recipes and experience new flavors. It's not just about loving myself, but it's also the genuine desire to want to love the life I'm living now. Love it for me. 

I wish you love, first and foremost for yourself. The rest will fall into place. xo