Today's Thoughts-March 23/22

Someone said to me yesterday, "Remember the dash" (seem poem below). I understand completely that in a full life lived, looking at death with this perspective can be helpful...healthy even...but what if the "dash" was cut tragically short? It doesn't diminish the good, but short, life lived, but it does make it harder to simply focus on the good.

Losing my friend and her children has rocked my world. I know it's ok to be sad, and sit in that sadness to work through it. I'm not hiding from the sadness or trying to distract myself with unhealthy things...but at some point, a person needs to ask themselves if the sadness is preventing them from living.

Grief has an incredible way of causing so much reflection. Often it causes significant shifts in perspective and a complete reevaluation of what truly matters. 

So many thoughts plague me lately. So many thoughts take over my brain and distract me from where my focus should be...work, kids, etc.

I look outwardly for validation. What my people see in me as good, I don't see, but I do become programmed with their compliments and know that enough people feel this way...so it must be true. I still don't actually see it or agree. I want to love myself the way my people do-unconditionally.

Why do we have such discomfort with being alone? Is it not so much better, healthier and more peaceful to be alone than it is to be with someone who makes you feel lonely? 

I feel I am a very grateful person. I get excited by simple things and give my people all of the love I have to give...so why do I feel so empty now? Will this feeling pass?

Why have I let other people's perceptions of how I look and who I am become my truth? Why have a taken on a closed mouth smile because one ridiculous man said I look better that way? Why do I look at my stomach with such distaste because one awful man offered to pay for a tummy tuck? WHY oh why have I handed my peace over to heartless men, who have no actual concern for my well-being, while I lose myself in theirs?

So much un-programming to do. So much letting go to do. So much healing is needed. I have piled grief, on hurt, on top of more grief. It is time to focus on my healing because this heavy pile can't handle any more weight.

The Dash Poem by Linda Ellis

I read of a man who stood to speak
At the funeral of a friend
He referred to the dates on the tombstone
From the beginning...to the end

He noted that first came the date of birth
And spoke the following date with tears,
But he said what mattered most of all
Was the dash between those years

For that dash represents all the time
That they spent alive on earth.
And now only those who loved them
Know what that little line is worth

For it matters not, how much we own,
The cars...the house...the cash.
What matters is how we live and love
And how we spend our dash.

So, think about this long and hard.
Are there things you'd like to change?
For you never know how much time is left
That can still be rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough
To consider what's true and real
And always try to understand
The way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger
And show appreciation more
And love the people in our lives
Like we've never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect
And more often wear a smile,
Remembering this special dash
Might only last a little while

So, when your eulogy is being read
With your life's actions to rehash...
Would you be proud of the things they say
About how you spent YOUR dash?