Perimenopause & me

It seriously snuck up on me. It started with a few nights of not being able to sleep. It seemed innocent enough...until it didn't.

Over two months of no more than 4 hours a night sleep. I have tried all the things. All of the vaguely reasonable things, anyway. The next step would be taking medication and knocking myself out, but I don't believe in doing that to my body. Not yet anyway.

Then I noticed I was feeling extra emotional about sentimental moments. A reunion video, a smile from an eldery gentleman, nice words from my kids- queue the tears. I thought, briefly, that maybe I was just overtired...but then...THEN came the rage!

The rage totally shocked me. I was fortunately home alone, trying to make a simple craft work and everything went wrong. I all but growled at my animals, who sat at a distance, with deeply concerned expressions on their furry faces. It was the most overwhelming feeling and I couldn't get it out of my body. Smashing something may have helped...but I refrained and it passed in time.

Then the sadness. I'm quite familiar with this one...so it didn't alarm me. My dad died just 9 months ago, it was my birthday, and many people in my life seemed to have forgotten. I ate lunch alone, cooked supper for my family and didn't open any gifts. Everything felt wrong and sad about the day. Queue mega tears.

I don't really think hot flashes have started. From what I can tell from others in the know, I'll certainly know when I've joined that club.

Dry skin, itchy, irritable, disappearing period (only good part) and whatever else is new and weird...I can't say I'm enjoying this stage. 

I listened to a Ted Talk, or the like, today about perimenopause and although it was bleak as hell, it helped me to understand more clearly what's going on with me and why. The fact of the matter is that my body clued in that it's done (so done!) with making babies. It no longer needs to be its glorious-reproducing-self...so now it can start to get old and decrepit. Things can dry up, close up and move along because I have fulfilled my earthly duties of reproduction.

How can we evolve in society if even our bodies start giving up on us at such a "young" age?!

The TedTalk woman ultimately said that to stay healthy, and try to beat the odds, we have to trick our bodies into thinking that we still want them to reproduce. B6, B12, beet root, exercise and I'm sure lots more- that's what I'm told "works". Fingers and toes crossed this shit works because if I don't start sleeping again real soon, I fear I may have to hide inside and keep others safe from my inner gremlin- let's call him Peri.

Oh my. Being a woman is actually so beautiful and miraculous. It's also so unreasonable! Not just for us, but for everyone else in our lives. It's a wonder any relationship has ever survived peri and full fledged menopause. It is not for the weak.

What tips do you have for me? What secret items helped you to navigate this nonsense? I eagerly await your advice, but I can't promise I won't rage in the meantime.