Low Vibe Christmas

Christmas is a hard one for me. Just 4 short years ago, my Mom was diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer on December 15th. I should mention that this came after 9 months of misdiagnosis, lost referrals and many visits to the emergency room. How do you celebrate Christmas with your person, knowing it will be her last? Well, you just do. I went through the motions, but not a moment wasn't tainted with the inevitable truth-my Mom was dying.

The following Christmas, the first without my Mom, was just as bad, if not worse. Lets go with worse. I felt dead inside. I went through the motions for my children, but my heart really wasn't in it.

The next year, I had just left my ex-husband...so there's that. 

Last year was good, actually. Our two households came together for parts and went our separate ways for others. Then I was dumped right before New Years Eve. Ha! Are you starting to see why I'm not feeling the Christmas spirit?

This year is the first year I don't have my kids on Christmas Eve. 16 years of Christmas Eves with my son, 14 with my eldest daughter and 10 with my youngest. So ya....Christmas has lost its' joy for me. Christmas lights drives, the movies, the baking, the music, the festive attire...I've tried really hard to force myself to enjoy this holiday season, but I just don't. The weight and pressures of Covid and the new restrictions hasn't helped. The money spent, the efforts to please the unpleasable, the searching high and low for the "perfect" gifts...it has left me depleted. Why do we do this to ourselves? Why as mothers and caregivers and big-hearted-humans do we put this unnecessary pressure on ourselves? This is not what Christmas is meant to be about!

I commend all those who have altered what Christmas looks like for them, who have stopped the shopping and commercialism and refocused the season on gratitude, friends and family. 

I know I'm not alone in this low-vibe-Christmas. So to everyone, near and far, experiencing low feelings-you are not alone in this.

May 2022 be better in any and all ways!

Sending all of the love I can possibly muster.

-Me