Empty

The empty feeling continues.

All of the things that seemed so urgent, that seemed to truly matter, don't seem to matter at all now. I am acutely aware of the time I have wasted worrying about things that never even happen. Worrying about people and their opinions that mean nothing to me. All the times I wanted to say or do something and I didn't do it. There is no space for regret. We have to take these moments as learning opportunities to do better, to choose different.

I try to live a really authentic existence. I try to be me, always, and surround myself with the people who feed my soul. I am so accepting and non-judgmental of the people I truly love, yet I have been terribly hard on myself. Why?

This terrible, awful thing has happened and I can't undo it. I can't make it better or different. The only thing that will help is time...and that is so unfair because I want to rush to the time when I feel better, but time is far too precious to wish it away. 

So, I will sit in this empty feeling. I will think of all the good and not ideal memories. I will miss Kaylea every single day and try to get my head around the lack of her tomorrows.

I love you, Kaylea. xoxo