Being a step-parent

Being a step-parent is a lot. It's a lot in the best and worst ways, but I have learned so much from my kids first step-mom and for that, I am forever and always grateful.

This woman came into my kids lives fairly quickly. She came with an open heart and high hopes for our relationship. I, on the other hand, felt guarded and jealous that this woman would even consider making Valentine's cards with my daughter, and the first time I drove by HER driving MY little girl, I cried. She was the enemy and all she had done was everything I did for them, when I wasn't there. She was loving, supportive and so tolerant...Until I pushed her too far, that is. Turns out she even tattooed "Stay kind" on her hands to remind herself that my issues weren't really about her at all. They were about history and also the fierce kind of love a mother has for her children. 

I was irrationally terrified of being replaced in my children's hearts. I thought she was better than me...not only in some ways, but actually, in all ways. Turns out she's perfectly imperfect, just like me. 

What I learned from this woman, among other things, is that step-parents (good ones anyway) are simply more people to love and support our kids. They have the potential to be someone quite spectacular, and perhaps, even an ally. Nothing proved this to me more than the moment I needed this woman, even once she had become an ex, and she was there. Standing on either side of my hospitalized child, she helped me wash my daughter's hair. That kid loves HER like family. Without even realizing it, she became our family. How special is that?!

I have to almost laugh at myself. I have had a step-mom (kind of) since I was born. My older sister and brother's Mom loves me like one of her own. She used to tell me I was her easiest child to bring into the world because she didn't have to go through the pregnancy. She has always loved and accepted me, despite anything and everything else. I have been in a loving step-parent to step-child relationship my whole life and still didn't know how to act when I was the "adult". Huh.

I wish I could talk to every parent who has new step-parents kicking around. I wish I could tell them all the things I have now learned. How I could have never imagined that not only does it get better, but it can get pretty great! These people (again, if they're good ones) are there to love, support, help out and become a new family member. They don't threaten your role as Mom or Dad. That is too special to mess with! 

Don't pollute your child's head with your opinions. Let them form their own. It's ok if they like/love these new people. At the end of the day, what matters is the health and happiness of the kids! The kids will grow up and see the truth anyway-good, bad and otherwise. This you can count on.

They say it takes a village...They're not wrong. Embrace the village!