Father's Day Blues

Father's Day isn't a happy day for everyone. For some, it's one of the hardest days of the year.

I woke up this morning, intending to honour my partner for his many roles in life- dad, son, brother, oil-changer, spider-getter, splinter remover and all around Mr-Fix-It. Instead, I felt overwhelming sad- it's my first Father's Day without my dad.

The sadness consumed me today. It shouldn't be any harder than any other day, but it was. I couldn't call him. He couldn't call my daughter yesterday on her birthday. He's just gone and I hate it.

If I had enough free time, I would have absolutely thrown myself a pity party today, but who has time for that?! Instead, I painted the exterior walls of the house, and the steps, and cleaned the whole interior of the house. I was non-stop until 10pm. With the exception of 3 breaks to sob for my parents- both gone from cancer.

Today was a, "Why them?! Why me?!", kind of day. I don't usually let myself go there. There's no helpful answer and all it does is make me bitter.

Cancer robbed my parents of their lives and robbed me of them. I'm not ready to not have my parents in my life. I'm only 43. I know 70 year olds with parent still living! I have friends with grandparents! I haven't had grandparents in over 17 years!

If you have even a vaguely good man for a dad- tell him you love him every chance you get. Always take his calls. Always make time for him. Someday, he will be gone. Don't leave room for regret.

Happy Father's Day, Dad. I miss you terribly and love you tons!